the last few days have been so good :) been having my 3 drinks plus a meal at night and been feeling ok. I am having a bad day today though but its all about learning what food is good for me and whats not and it seems rice and parsley are not good for me :( so thats that cut out my diet for ever, annoying cause 1. I like rice and 2. its cheap! it was my staple diet being a student. Oh well would rather give up rice to have a good tummy then eat it and feel ill.

I am still only on water and moved to camomile tea (tastes nicer then black tea) and no sweets, bread, milk, chocolate (although did cheat and have a couple of chocolate ice lollies) ect… i am going to try and not have any of that till 4-6 weeks still. The only problem is dinner is getting very boring now as all i am having is chicken and fish (yawn)…

some good news! i feel really well today, normal morning tummy problems that i have grown used to so it doesn’t bother me any more. I am feeling in high spirits today its amazing what good weather and a meal can do to you. I woke up without feeling sick or bloated and have already had one drink which went down fine, i think knowing that i only have to take 3-4 drinks now has made me worry less, i didnt realise today how much i was getting stressed over when to have the next drink, how many drinks i have had ect… its definitely a huge pychocological battle when you are on this diet and i admit even if i did not have the horrible symptoms that made the dietician decide for me to have less of them, i think i would not have lasted another week with purely the drinks only. 

So i am going to see how i get on with this diet for the next week, it still sucks that i cant have my favourite food still but i can put up with that for a month if i can have a meal at night…

DAY 7!

wow its been 7 days on the liquid diet, its gone quite quick now i think about it. Yesterday was an awful day, been feeling so sick and bloated and i could only manage 3 and a half drinks, which is like 700 calories only. It was not good i tried to force them down me but it was literally taking me an hour to build myself up and egg myself on to take the first sip of each drink and each sip made me gag. However some good news is here! HURRAH! FINALLY!, i managed to speak to my dietician who agreed that it was probably the drinks making my symptoms worse, to be fair there not even my crohns symptoms i was having i always know the difference and i could just feel that the drink were bringing on a whole new load of symptoms but my crohns ones have reduced which is good.

so the dietician uttered words i have been praying to hear (well not the exact words i have been praying to hear cause that would of been ‘Becca lets just stop the drinks and carry on with all the food, sweets, drink you want’) No she said ‘lets cut down the drinks to 3 a day then have a meal at night YAY! :) I can have some food! :D argh, although it has to be bland food like chicken and rice and potatoes and im still not allowed chocolate or sandwiches or any other drink then decaf tea (still taste like shit btw) and water. I have to treat the 3 drinks during my day as my breakfast and lunch. However i did have a little treat today, i had some crisps- OMG it was like a little bit of heaven that first bite, i was trying to not eat like a tramp would if they were given some fish and chips or something meaning i was trying to not stuff it down me without pausing to take a breath.

Anyway fingers crossed that this will help with the sickness, toilet troubles ect…I am slightly annoyed that my boyfriend who has been very supportive over the last 7 days has gone back on his word today and brought doughnuts (which he left out for me to see as i go to get my water) toffee crumble ice lollies! and chocolate! I think he thinks that cause i can eat a meal now im not gunna want all of that stuff but believe me the craving for a burger and massive chocolate cake is still niggling away at me!…

Ok so its five days since being without food. Today has not been a bad day actually, probly because i got out of the house and went for a 2 hour walk down by a lovely river with my boyfriend. Exercise, fresh air, lovely scenery and great company are the best cures to help you forget about all the negative stuff going on in your life.

I have managed 6 drinks so far which is better then yesterday but im still not managing to get up to the 8 drinks a day, it is so difficult to carry on drinking when you feel bloated, sick, weak along with other vile symptoms that are deciding to show up when i least expect them. I am worried if i cant get to 8 drinks that i will start to lose weight. I was naughty today and had a… lollipop! oh shock, horror! i didnt feel guilty its only ice at the end of it and it was like heaven having this lollipop :) was so nice to taste something different so god knows what im gunna be like when i can actually start eating.

2 more days till its a week without food! i am giving it till then to call my dietician and if things haven’t improved will look at something else. I just wish that someone out there will make different flavours of drink such as a roast dinner flavoured one or a bacon sandwich flavoured drink, it would make it so much easier. Maybe i should be the first person to do that! Now who do i phone up to get it sorted…

It feels like today has dragged! no positives to tell you yet, so im gunna rant whether you like it or not…I have only managed 4 drinks so far, i have felt sick constantly today and had a dodgy tummy (wont say anymore cause you probly get what i mean by that), i thought the drinks were meant to make you feel better but its my fourth day and i feel worse then when i was on food! Makes me think whats the point. I had an interview today for an internship which meant i had a reason to leave the house! yay however the interview was at cafe nero booo! Surprisingly though it wasnt as much torture as i thought it was going to be, surrounded by the sights and smells of coffee and cakes made me think before i got there that i would fall for temptation and litterally grab all the cakes through the counter but it was fine, maybe cause i was so worried about the interview that i didnt even notice i was in a coffee shop helped…

I do think it is definitely a psychological thing though, because now im home i cant stop thinking bout them cakes but i think if i was offered one i would feel so sick from these drinks that i wouldnt even take it. 

So apart from going to the interview i have achieved…absolutely fuck all today cause i feel to weak to do uni work, drinks- 1, becca- 0. My goal is now to last a week and if im still struggling then its back to the dietician to hopefully help me out. I just wish these drinks came in other flavours then the bloody 3 they do come in cause they are disgusting now! Its annoying that it has come to me wishing it was night time everyday so that i could just go back to bed, fingers crossed i can have something positive to say tomorrow!…

I cant believe it is only my third day on these drinks! it feels like i haven’t eaten proper food in weeks! my day started off quite positively except for a feeling of a very dry mouth which i am getting more and more frequently, the positive feeling lasted only up untill my second drink which i am having now. Every sip is beginning to become a chore. As well as this i have realised i have not been out the house in 3 days…its quite sad to know that the only time i went out was to go to morrisons down the road but that is because i had hardly any money so it was to be spent on food! Thats what im telling myself anyway. If i did have money the only other places i would go is the pub or a restaurant or to town but what good is it going there now when i cant drink or eat and if i go out then im just gunna be surrounded by takeaway shops tempting me to come in and get a battered sausage or something.

So i have become a hermit, im not bothering to properly get dressed just wearing slouchy clothes, i figured whats the point of putting make up on or properly getting dressed if im not going anywhere, i do feel sorry for my poor boyfriend though that has to look at me all day with not only me looking like a tramp but having me moan bout not being able to eat. The good thing is im still washing! :) and thats more than my boyfriend could say bout himself…

I am sure there will be some positives coming soon…

so a positive end to the night is that i manged 6 drinks! whoop whoop my goal has been reached, shame i dont feel as excited as it thought i would be. The negative side to the night is that i feel very sick, and have a funny taste in my mouth which no amount of cleaning my teeth seems to wash it away, plus im forcing myself to go to bed now as i dont have anything else to do and being awake is just making me think about what food i would love to have, i suppose you could see it as a positive that at least i am getting an early night and lots of sleep considering i normally go to bed at 2 o clock in the morning.

Today has not been a good day, it has been a day full of longing for food and a nice cup of tea, black decaf tea is disgusting! but im gunna keep drinking it till hopefully it tastes nice to me as its the only other drink i can have. Wish there was someone else out there i could talk to who is on a liquid diet as this is hard to explain to anyone else. oh well fingers crossed for tomorrow…

So its the second day of my liquid diet, yeterday started off ok, i thought after my second drink ‘yep i could easily do this’ my way of thinking is that it is all phycological, constant thoughts of me wanting a chocolate bar was all in my head…and i could cope with that, i didnt feel hungry which was good but that didn’t stop me wanting that chocolate bar! or crisps or six slices of pizza hmmmmm pizza. Yep i could cope with that, that was until a huge headache hit me without any warning it was going to come (the bastard) and i started to feel sick and very tired. I felt like someone who was coming off drugs having withdrawal symptoms instead of cocaine mine was caffeine and food!

Even after a nap that bloody headache was still there and i had to wake up just so i could force another drink down me, it was 7 o clock and i had only had 3 drinks, and im meant to have 8 of the bloody things?! i dont know how im gunna do it.

However i am on my second drink now, lovely grapefruit flavour that tastes of anything but grapefruit. There are 3 flavours grapefruit, orange and pineapple and summer fruits so i can mix and match, how exciting!, shame that they all taste the same.

Anyway hopefully today will be a better day, i managed 5 drinks yesterday im gunna try and make it six today, if i set myself a goal it will make it more fun….yep keep telling yourself that…

So the day has come when i have been told i have to go on a liquid diet for 6-8 weeks. This means no food at all including ice lollies, no juice or alcohol :( for 6-8 weeks ARGH! I do however have some lovely (yeah right) calorie prescription drinks and i am allowed black decaf tea and water YAY!. I have three choices of flavours for my calorie drinks - orange and pineapple, grapefruit and summer fruits, its just a shame that they all taste exactly the same!

Why you might ask is this crazy person going on a liquid diet when it is approaching BBQ weather?!, well its definitely not to lose weight as i don’t have a problem doing that when i get ill it just drops off me. No i have crohns disease which for people that have no idea what it is, is inflammatory bowel disease which in basic terms mean i crap alot (or not at all) be sick, have stomach cramps, no energy…i could go on with the unattractive symptoms but it will feel the whole page up. So to avoid an operation i am going on these lovely drinks to ‘rest’ my bowel (bless it). This is going to be very hard as i LOVE my food and my tea and my alcohol :( plus i have all my exams and coursework coming up at the same time so get ready for some ranty blogs in the next month!

But im ready to give it a go with a positive mind, i just wish i could stop thinking about having a bacon sandwich for breakfast….